Piss Boy // Evaporated Girl

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about

this is a split between two leaky soups band members and friends.

black cassettes + zine courtesy of VHS records, available at bit.ly/1KKLlMS

cullan bonilla = everything by cullan, cover art
cullanbonilla.bandcamp.com

movies = everything by kevin

for Ty, 2004-2014.

credits

released January 22, 2015

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Track Name: cullan bonilla - half moon
don’t go anywhere
don’t go, don’t go

you were growing thinner
and i was too afraid to mention that
or the cigarettes you were
consuming by the pack
i didn’t know what to say
about the bags under your eyes
not to mention the ones on the floor
but i knew you were sad before
and all i can hope is one day
you won’t be sad anymore
just don’t go anywhere

don’t go, don’t go
please don’t go anywhere
Track Name: cullan bonilla - a running list (9/20/14, 1:07am)
i made a list of all my bad habits
i’d like to break them but i’ll need practice
and i’ll need time
and maybe somebody to keep me in line

‘cause i always eat dinner at 3am
but i never stay awake for our conversations
and i can’t stop biting my nails
and i can’t stop forgetting my pills
and i always lose my keys
and i always take things personally
it’s silly

i put my head down
i think a dumb amount
Track Name: cullan bonilla - piss boy
text me some bullshit
dripping with pretension
about being decent
about having a conversation

but i don’t owe you anything
and i have no interest in your game
i wish i’d known the rules before i played

text me some bullshit about
how your side of the story
is the only one that counts
“don’t tell your side,
apologize,
and drop it”

but i don’t owe you anything
i have no interest in your game
because i learn from my mistakes
now i know better than to play
Track Name: cullan bonilla - halves
some nights i wake up shaking because
i’m so afraid
and i know what it’s really like to be lonely
’cause i can feel you in my sleep an inch too far away

“i thought i understood it, that i could grasp it, but i didn’t, not really. only the smudginess of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. i didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. because it’s the halves that halve you in half. i didn’t know, don’t know, about the inbetween bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me.”

i’m trying not to let it matter
but i’m smiling so hard it hurts
Track Name: storm clouds
you told me everyone was dead. you cannot explain yourself, but i can.
Track Name: erie
don’t ever forget this: the past is dead and has been
and these bookless pages work like a muscle relaxant
and these misplaced nightmares are a geographic message

don’t ever regret this: it hurts but it happened
i’m taking a trip now; i’m not saying where
I was evaporated in sunshowers again
i’m passing worms on
sidewalks, stepping in the soft dirt
I was evaporated in sunshowers again
I’m climbing up the tall tree, healing all my sunburns
I was evaporated in sunshowers again

i just need to heal, and so do they.
sundust draws the circles above our sleeping heads.

and everything i whisper just runs fleeting like a dream.
the fruits we crave are drowned and distant compared to the trees.
funeral cakes and blue dresses were only brief prevails.
Track Name: evaporated girl
evaporated girl went running away; she was never there at all, so she melted away.
last tuesday’s rain fell anyway, to chase her to a pocket-sized space.
evaporated girl, i can’t breath, i’m drowning. please help me get to shore with seagulls sounding.
seaweed tangled ‘round my waist with salt surrounding.

my feet touched home on a patch of narrow gravestones, in a factory, i’m rain clothed. sent shivers down the frail bones, it’s a viral place and i’m prone.
depression’s a pet. sometimes it leaves; it comes back. sometimes it leaves; it goes.